I believe in the saying that "people who smile the brightest are always the most broken" because for me, it is the truth. They are the like warriors for me, trying to fight against themselves to not give up, to keep fighting till the end of this never-ending maze that is our life. They are the people who I wish to be.
We all had that certain time in our life where everything just seemed crumbling down to the floor. That time when you just feel like giving up just to end all the pain you are feeling in your heart. Whenever there is a problem that seems like a storm raining down only for me, trying to make me feel miserable, I try my hardest to stand on my own two feet and face it like a warrior. I faced tons of problems. I've heard people talk about me behind my back calling me names, I've heard bad things about me and I've heard people criticize me a lot. It breaks me inside but I try not to show it. I always try to fight that want of breaking down in front of them. You can call it pride but showing them their effect on me,it makes me feel so small, so weak. It is like I admitted that they won the war. I try not to show it, making them think that I won the war, but in the end I always lose. At some point everything that they said, every little criticsm, hurtful comments, painful words, they all get to me. They are like arrows slowly attacking my little heart. It takes a while before I can feel them seeping through the walls of heart, and when they finally reach the inside, I lose all my strength and I just turn into a crying mess.
I hate feeling weak. I hate admitting to myself that I am weak. I hate crying. I hate to admit to myself that I, again, lost a war. How can I be strong when I am so weak? How can I be someone who can protect her loved ones when I can't even protect myself? How can I be someone who wouldn't be wounded by the hate when they all affect me so much? How can a warrior when I am such a coward? I've always wanted to win but in the end I always lose.
I've always wanted to become a warrior. I wanted to fight the evil in myself who is lulling me to giving up. I always fought with all my might. I believe with those I am slowly becoming a warrior of my own. Whenever you are succeeding, there would always be those people who would pull you back down. They don't have anything better to do. I always try to fight the war with all I can. I always do. I always wanted to be a successful warrior. I've always tried to be one. I truly believe that one day, that strong and successful warrior could be me. ". . . or not to be"
